Rob otsi ndi sgu ise
The eighties are back! Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand! Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles, Teenage Mutant Girls on film! Girls on film!
Wow! The eighties were amazing! Somebody is making a film about Transformers, the best toys ever! Robots that turn into other stuff, like cars, planes and, er, dinosaurs! And they had names like Hoist, Hotspot, Hot Rod, Sludge, Slag, Scourge, Dirge, Drag Strip, Dead End, Wildrider, Thrust and Ramjet! But they definitely weren't gay! They were for proper boys: the type who kicked their footballs at girls' faces and ran away during kisschase in case they caught lurgee.
I was one such proper boy. Look at my Metroplex in its original polystyrene! He is a HEROIC AUTOBOT and, in his spare time, a car-park. He has lots of cavities where his smaller Autobot friends, like Tailgate, can ensconce themselves. He may look statuesque and imposing, but he's really very open-minded and accommodating. Sadly, my Metroplex has lost one of his fists; perhaps he has left in the cavity of an even larger and like-minded Autobot. He still has his full arsenal of meaty weaponry, I'm relieved to say.
Metroplex is also a great thinker! Even as a child, I realised this, and hence adorned his packaging with an 'I've got brains' sticker as a tribute to his intellectual prowess. Look:
The one on the left is called Springer (because he has "incredible 'springing' power in his legs", apparently; his resemblance to the trailer-trash talk-show legend of the same name is purely coincidental), and is also a HEROIC AUTOBOT. His friend on the right is not actually his friend at all, but rather an EVIL DECEPTICON, and hence his sworn enemy. His name is Cyclonus, and his catchphrase, according to the back of his box, is, "Compassion is the Autobots downfall." Boo, hiss, eh? You have to be pretty tough to get away with that kind of antipathy (not to mention that kind of disregard for punctuation), and fortunately our mincing - sorry, menacing - purple pal fits the bill: "Cyclonus has no weaknesses and no interests other than conquest." No weaknesses? Sounds like a bit of an unfair advantage.
Of course, the most brilliant thing about Transformers is their titular ability to transform. After several minutes of faffing and bits unexpectedly falling off, those intimidating robots become battle-ready vehicles of destruction.
Pretty spectacular stuff.
Yep.
Those Group Theory notes in the background look quite interesting.
Pff.
Oh, sweet Jesus, the eighties were awful, weren't they?
Wow! The eighties were amazing! Somebody is making a film about Transformers, the best toys ever! Robots that turn into other stuff, like cars, planes and, er, dinosaurs! And they had names like Hoist, Hotspot, Hot Rod, Sludge, Slag, Scourge, Dirge, Drag Strip, Dead End, Wildrider, Thrust and Ramjet! But they definitely weren't gay! They were for proper boys: the type who kicked their footballs at girls' faces and ran away during kisschase in case they caught lurgee.
I was one such proper boy. Look at my Metroplex in its original polystyrene! He is a HEROIC AUTOBOT and, in his spare time, a car-park. He has lots of cavities where his smaller Autobot friends, like Tailgate, can ensconce themselves. He may look statuesque and imposing, but he's really very open-minded and accommodating. Sadly, my Metroplex has lost one of his fists; perhaps he has left in the cavity of an even larger and like-minded Autobot. He still has his full arsenal of meaty weaponry, I'm relieved to say.Metroplex is also a great thinker! Even as a child, I realised this, and hence adorned his packaging with an 'I've got brains' sticker as a tribute to his intellectual prowess. Look:
Of course, Metroplex was not the only Transformer. Here are some other, slightly less impressive examples:
The one on the left is called Springer (because he has "incredible 'springing' power in his legs", apparently; his resemblance to the trailer-trash talk-show legend of the same name is purely coincidental), and is also a HEROIC AUTOBOT. His friend on the right is not actually his friend at all, but rather an EVIL DECEPTICON, and hence his sworn enemy. His name is Cyclonus, and his catchphrase, according to the back of his box, is, "Compassion is the Autobots downfall." Boo, hiss, eh? You have to be pretty tough to get away with that kind of antipathy (not to mention that kind of disregard for punctuation), and fortunately our mincing - sorry, menacing - purple pal fits the bill: "Cyclonus has no weaknesses and no interests other than conquest." No weaknesses? Sounds like a bit of an unfair advantage.Of course, the most brilliant thing about Transformers is their titular ability to transform. After several minutes of faffing and bits unexpectedly falling off, those intimidating robots become battle-ready vehicles of destruction.
Pretty spectacular stuff.Yep.
Those Group Theory notes in the background look quite interesting.
Pff.
Oh, sweet Jesus, the eighties were awful, weren't they?
posted by Testoni at 9:44 AM
1 Comments:
I promise that all of the names listed in this post are those of genuine Transformers. I suppose it's difficult to have a universe entirely populated by alpha-male automatons without at least some homoerotic overtones emerging.
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