Accrued estimate
*Warning: this post is even more long, pointless and self-indulgent than usual. You should probably give up now, before the will to live deserts you altogether*
These are testing times for fans of popular music. The digital download is killing the single as we know it. Is the b-side a thing of the past? Will future generations of obsessive-compulsive music completists be able to compress a thousand back-catalogues on to their MP3 players without experiencing the shelf-cluttering inconvenience of slimline CD-single cases, or the tactile joy of 'limited edition' packaging? Where's the fun in materialism without the material?
Personally, I spent several years fastidiously accumulating as many singles as possible so that I can astonish my future grandchildren with the dazzling range of artwork that the music industry insouciantly pumped out in the carefree days before planet Earth's supply of colour ran out in 2020.
As a brilliant bonus, many of these CD and records also contain music, or at least variations on the theme of music. Here, for no discernable reason, are some picks from my sprawling archive of indie-pop also-rans.
(1) Birdhouse in your Soul - They Might Be Giants
Bewildering oddness from the people who brought you the theme tune to Malcolm in the Middle. 'I'm your only friend / I'm not your only friend / And I'm your little glowing friend / But really I'm not actually your friend / But I am.' My head hurts, although that might just be because this song has been stuck in my head since 1990.
(2) Tiny Spark - Brendan Benson
One of the most unfairly ignored pop songs of recent years, Tiny Spark should have at least troubled the Top 20. It's a simple premise: a misery-guts loser anthem set to a cheery, catchy melody that makes it okay to be a bit rubbish with girls. Lack of chart success may have been due in part to the fact that the CD single cost £4.99. I dug the 7" out of a bargain bin for 99p. Take that, evil record company fat-cats!
(3) Single Again - The Fiery Furnaces
With a repetitive synthesised intro that goes on for a week and crap lyrics, Single Again is a song that tries very hard to make you hate it; somehow, it fails. Plus, the 7" is see-through and green at the same time. Is this some kind of devil-magic?
(4) Eating your Brains - The Blitters / A Personal Account of Conflict - Rothko
Two highly contrasting, but equally ace singles from friends of The Happy Squid, Bad Hand Records. Head over to their website for more information; if you're really lucky, there might even be one or two of these releases left in stock. Hurry!
(5) A full set of Ed Harcourt singles
Ed Harcourt's first album, Here be Monsters, was brilliant. His subsequent albums... weren't quite so brilliant. I've faithfully kept buying his records in the hope that his lightness of touch might come back to him. Still waiting. In the meantime, you should go and buy Here be Monsters, because it's brilliant. Have I already said that? Oh.
(6) Lots of Radiohead things
Radiohead are so anti-capitalist that they try to avoid selling copies of their albums for fear of compromising their artistic integrity. To this end, they hide most of their best songs on the b-sides of their singles. The Trickster, Killer Cars, Maquiladora, How can you be Sure?, Talk Show Host, Pearly, Cuttooth... All of these are better than Kid A's Treefingers, believe it or not.
(7) Rainmaker - Sparklehorse
Not much to say about this, except that it has a picture of a scary doll on the front. Taken from the stupidly-titled album Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot, which has a picture of a scary clown on the front. And is superb.
(8) Rabbit in your Headlights - U.N.K.L.E.
Thom Yorke from Radiohead sings some 'disaffected' words over a mordant, glacial piano waltz, with unintentionally hilarious consequences. Sample: 'I'm a rabbit in your headlights / Christian suburbanite / Flushed down the toilet / You've got money to burn.' Very funny, as is the video, which features a man being repeatedly run over by cars in a tunnel. It's like You've been Framed for angst-ridden adolescents.
(9) Hash Pipe - Weezer
Beooow... dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-beooow, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-beooow...
Great b-side, too.
(10) Various Ash CDs and DVDs
Ash: purveyors of heartfelt punk-pop/chronic-alcoholic ne'er-do-wells, as documented by their DVD tour diaries. Features exclusive toilet-based adventures that you could probably have lived more happily without seeing ("I think I'm going to have to pay child maintenance for that!"). No wonder Charlotte Hatherley left.
(11) Grandaddy promos
A.M. 180 by Grandaddy is the theme music for Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, and is therefore awesome. I've got the official limited edition 7" and the promotional CD release, and thus I am a better person than you. No arguments.
(12) Misfit - Curiosity Killed the Cat
Bought for 30p in the Colchester branch of Cash Converters, this 'classic' '80s single is on the short-lived 'video-disc' format. I don't have a video-disc player, and I'm fairly sure the song's awful, but y'know... 30p. It's probably worth twice that on eBay.
(13) Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters
If you've only heard the last couple of Foo Fighters albums, you could be excused for wondering what the fuss is about. Go and listen to their first two records, then write a contrite letter to Dave Grohl to apologise for doubting him. This song is ace.
(14) Some Electric Soft Parade stuff
These brothers from Brighton were briefly hotly-tipped until everyone realised they were quite boring. Full marks for the CD made out of clear plastic on the non-recorded bits, though. Nice.
(15) Powder Blue - Elbow
A broody, delicately tuneful number that's probably about drug abuse or something. I like the way it finishes abruptly with the sound of breaking glass. All songs should finish with the sound of something breaking. Preferably glass.
(16) Big Boy - Minuteman
This was the music for 'Goal of the Month' (or whatever it's called) on Match of the Day at one point. Erm... that's it. I was hoping they might become huge, thus rendering my super-rare copy of their debut EP virtually priceless.
Come to think of it, that's the reason I bought all of this stuff. What actually happened, of course, is that all these 'artists' disappeared without trace, leaving me saddled with shedloads of worthless plastic and glossy paper. In conclusion, collecting things is stupid. Or rather, collecting stupid things is stupid.
A valuable lesson.
These are testing times for fans of popular music. The digital download is killing the single as we know it. Is the b-side a thing of the past? Will future generations of obsessive-compulsive music completists be able to compress a thousand back-catalogues on to their MP3 players without experiencing the shelf-cluttering inconvenience of slimline CD-single cases, or the tactile joy of 'limited edition' packaging? Where's the fun in materialism without the material?
Personally, I spent several years fastidiously accumulating as many singles as possible so that I can astonish my future grandchildren with the dazzling range of artwork that the music industry insouciantly pumped out in the carefree days before planet Earth's supply of colour ran out in 2020.
As a brilliant bonus, many of these CD and records also contain music, or at least variations on the theme of music. Here, for no discernable reason, are some picks from my sprawling archive of indie-pop also-rans.
(1) Birdhouse in your Soul - They Might Be GiantsBewildering oddness from the people who brought you the theme tune to Malcolm in the Middle. 'I'm your only friend / I'm not your only friend / And I'm your little glowing friend / But really I'm not actually your friend / But I am.' My head hurts, although that might just be because this song has been stuck in my head since 1990.
(2) Tiny Spark - Brendan Benson
One of the most unfairly ignored pop songs of recent years, Tiny Spark should have at least troubled the Top 20. It's a simple premise: a misery-guts loser anthem set to a cheery, catchy melody that makes it okay to be a bit rubbish with girls. Lack of chart success may have been due in part to the fact that the CD single cost £4.99. I dug the 7" out of a bargain bin for 99p. Take that, evil record company fat-cats!
(3) Single Again - The Fiery Furnaces
With a repetitive synthesised intro that goes on for a week and crap lyrics, Single Again is a song that tries very hard to make you hate it; somehow, it fails. Plus, the 7" is see-through and green at the same time. Is this some kind of devil-magic?
(4) Eating your Brains - The Blitters / A Personal Account of Conflict - Rothko
Two highly contrasting, but equally ace singles from friends of The Happy Squid, Bad Hand Records. Head over to their website for more information; if you're really lucky, there might even be one or two of these releases left in stock. Hurry!
(5) A full set of Ed Harcourt singles
Ed Harcourt's first album, Here be Monsters, was brilliant. His subsequent albums... weren't quite so brilliant. I've faithfully kept buying his records in the hope that his lightness of touch might come back to him. Still waiting. In the meantime, you should go and buy Here be Monsters, because it's brilliant. Have I already said that? Oh.
(6) Lots of Radiohead things
Radiohead are so anti-capitalist that they try to avoid selling copies of their albums for fear of compromising their artistic integrity. To this end, they hide most of their best songs on the b-sides of their singles. The Trickster, Killer Cars, Maquiladora, How can you be Sure?, Talk Show Host, Pearly, Cuttooth... All of these are better than Kid A's Treefingers, believe it or not.
(7) Rainmaker - Sparklehorse
Not much to say about this, except that it has a picture of a scary doll on the front. Taken from the stupidly-titled album Vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot, which has a picture of a scary clown on the front. And is superb.
(8) Rabbit in your Headlights - U.N.K.L.E.
Thom Yorke from Radiohead sings some 'disaffected' words over a mordant, glacial piano waltz, with unintentionally hilarious consequences. Sample: 'I'm a rabbit in your headlights / Christian suburbanite / Flushed down the toilet / You've got money to burn.' Very funny, as is the video, which features a man being repeatedly run over by cars in a tunnel. It's like You've been Framed for angst-ridden adolescents.
(9) Hash Pipe - Weezer
Beooow... dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-beooow, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-dum, dum-dum der-beooow...
Great b-side, too.
(10) Various Ash CDs and DVDs
Ash: purveyors of heartfelt punk-pop/chronic-alcoholic ne'er-do-wells, as documented by their DVD tour diaries. Features exclusive toilet-based adventures that you could probably have lived more happily without seeing ("I think I'm going to have to pay child maintenance for that!"). No wonder Charlotte Hatherley left.
(11) Grandaddy promos
A.M. 180 by Grandaddy is the theme music for Charlie Brooker's Screenwipe, and is therefore awesome. I've got the official limited edition 7" and the promotional CD release, and thus I am a better person than you. No arguments.
(12) Misfit - Curiosity Killed the Cat
Bought for 30p in the Colchester branch of Cash Converters, this 'classic' '80s single is on the short-lived 'video-disc' format. I don't have a video-disc player, and I'm fairly sure the song's awful, but y'know... 30p. It's probably worth twice that on eBay.
(13) Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters
If you've only heard the last couple of Foo Fighters albums, you could be excused for wondering what the fuss is about. Go and listen to their first two records, then write a contrite letter to Dave Grohl to apologise for doubting him. This song is ace.
(14) Some Electric Soft Parade stuff
These brothers from Brighton were briefly hotly-tipped until everyone realised they were quite boring. Full marks for the CD made out of clear plastic on the non-recorded bits, though. Nice.
(15) Powder Blue - Elbow
A broody, delicately tuneful number that's probably about drug abuse or something. I like the way it finishes abruptly with the sound of breaking glass. All songs should finish with the sound of something breaking. Preferably glass.
(16) Big Boy - Minuteman
This was the music for 'Goal of the Month' (or whatever it's called) on Match of the Day at one point. Erm... that's it. I was hoping they might become huge, thus rendering my super-rare copy of their debut EP virtually priceless.
Come to think of it, that's the reason I bought all of this stuff. What actually happened, of course, is that all these 'artists' disappeared without trace, leaving me saddled with shedloads of worthless plastic and glossy paper. In conclusion, collecting things is stupid. Or rather, collecting stupid things is stupid.
A valuable lesson.
posted by Testoni at 8:00 PM
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