The literary index
Facts. Facts are to be encouraged. Facts are the only thing that stop you from spontaneously metamorphosising into a blancmange, or a beach ball or something. If it weren't for facts, anything could happen. Good old tediously reliable, fact-based reality will never surprise you.
Fiction, on the other hand, is a dangerous entity; a mesmerising by-product of the subjective human imagination. The only rules are that there are no rules except that sentences always start with a capital letter (regardless of what lazy shift-key-averse internet typists would have you believe). Fiction has no respect for facts.
Having established this crucial distinction, please be advised that all the posts listed below belong to the subversive category of fiction. Some of them are songs, though. And there are a couple of poems. But what they all have in common is being completely made-up. Except for the songs, which have bit stolen from other people and changed a bit. Fact.
- A cautionary poem about drugs (a poem in free verse)
An early Happy Squid post, inspired by this picture of everybody's favourite drumming muppet [insert joke about Phil Collins here, if you must]. Very odd indeed.
- All Skints
In this reworked version of their hit single Never Ever, Popular girl band All Saints explain why they got back together for a comeback album. Actually quite good, this.
- Crime and puns and punishment
Testoni was innocently reading a Dostoevsky novel when this horribly smug post fell out of his overtaxed brain. Not very good at all.
- My heart is in prison after cardiac arrest (a poem)
Disturbing.
- Steven makes a cup of tea
A very long, self-defeating and eye-strain-inducing attempt to make fun of Ian McEwan. He's a national treasure, you know.
- Addicted to Face(book)
Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love, deviously re-jigged so that instead of being about love, it's about Facebook. And love. Of Facebook.
- A fable with no moral
Just when you thought the Happy Squid had recovered from its 2006-era celebrity obsession, we hit you with this rather predictable tale. Incidentally, A Fable with no Moral is the name of an excellent song by underrated US indie band, Quasi.
- Oscar
A tragic story penned by the mysterious guest-writer Oscar. You could be excused for thinking that this is rubbish, but in fact it's technically more like dross.
Fiction, on the other hand, is a dangerous entity; a mesmerising by-product of the subjective human imagination. The only rules are that there are no rules except that sentences always start with a capital letter (regardless of what lazy shift-key-averse internet typists would have you believe). Fiction has no respect for facts.
Having established this crucial distinction, please be advised that all the posts listed below belong to the subversive category of fiction. Some of them are songs, though. And there are a couple of poems. But what they all have in common is being completely made-up. Except for the songs, which have bit stolen from other people and changed a bit. Fact.
- A cautionary poem about drugs (a poem in free verse)
An early Happy Squid post, inspired by this picture of everybody's favourite drumming muppet [insert joke about Phil Collins here, if you must]. Very odd indeed.
- All Skints
In this reworked version of their hit single Never Ever, Popular girl band All Saints explain why they got back together for a comeback album. Actually quite good, this.
- Crime and puns and punishment
Testoni was innocently reading a Dostoevsky novel when this horribly smug post fell out of his overtaxed brain. Not very good at all.
- My heart is in prison after cardiac arrest (a poem)
Disturbing.
- Steven makes a cup of tea
A very long, self-defeating and eye-strain-inducing attempt to make fun of Ian McEwan. He's a national treasure, you know.
- Addicted to Face(book)
Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love, deviously re-jigged so that instead of being about love, it's about Facebook. And love. Of Facebook.
- A fable with no moral
Just when you thought the Happy Squid had recovered from its 2006-era celebrity obsession, we hit you with this rather predictable tale. Incidentally, A Fable with no Moral is the name of an excellent song by underrated US indie band, Quasi.
- Oscar
A tragic story penned by the mysterious guest-writer Oscar. You could be excused for thinking that this is rubbish, but in fact it's technically more like dross.
posted by Testoni at 9:10 PM
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